A Short Story: Angela
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Angela found herself abruptly awake and reeling from the bickering voices inside her head. Ears ringing with raucous laughter and taunting from crowds of men and women, her eyes shot open. She panted as though she would pass out from exertion. Perspiration oozed from her armpits. Her body shook in convulsions. Oh God, not again!
Angela, the Asinine.
Who were you expecting - Miss Universe?
Listen, it could be worse. She could look like you!
Shut up! Hey, did ya hear about her job interview?
Working in a Nursing Home! Like that might happen.
She'll screw that up.
She always does.
My money says she'll use dope.
I don't know, what about getting liquored up?
Either way, what a waste.
What's the use?
So young.
I'm bored.
Not caring about the job interview, Angela reached for her bedside medicine. Hands still shaking, she uncapped smudged brown plastic vials of Seroquel and Ativan. She suspected these pills did nothing as prescribed but wondered what would happen if she finished them off with a nice cold bottle of beer.
As a child, she had watched her Momma drown her sorrows on more than one occasion. And Pop had never been right since Vietnam. His death had been an accident. he would never have tried to kill himself. Oh, won't these horrid people get out of my head? Mmmm... Angela stumbled to the kitchen in search of that beer.
Told ya!
Jeez, all those pills?
Thatsa lotta crap for any of us normal folks.
Well, duh!
Yeah, right! Make that a double.
99 bottles of beer on the wall...
Oh stop singing!
I'm just sayin... more where that came from!
Well, she's not going to that stupid interview anyway.
Guess another few won't hurt her crazy ass.
Like you get a vote!
Chug a lug...
The one thing Angela couldn't say no to was a second, well, better make that a third beer. The voices were mumbling now, with seductive hypnotic warnings. Was she imagining the smell of vanilla? She could almost taste the burnt sugar cookies Mom had made in this very kitchen. She sat alone at the table surrounded by a growing mound of empty beer bottles. What the hell was she thinking? At last her breathing slowed and warm blood felt like it was creeping to the surface from her dulled, throbbing arteries.
There, there...
Feeling warmer?
It sure gets the blood flowin, doesn't it?
A few drinks never hurt nobody.
You have been through hell.
You really don't have a whole bunch goin' for ya.
No one would blame you.
We totally understand.
Yeah, you know it girl.
Do what you gotta do.
I never told Angela I loved her. Funny, I was her brother for 25 years and never found the time. What I did find that morning, after coming home from night shift was her dead body. Oh, I called 911 on the spot, but it was way too late. She was long gone.
Angela's body had slumped to the floor, dragging broken beer bottles along with her. My broken sister was surrounded by broken glass, could she have a smile on her face? Her wrists, both of them, had been slashed over and over with broken bottle shards. Her beautiful face was gashed beyond recognition.
I never cried in my life, but I sure did at the sight of my big sister. She used to tell me about these voices, around the clock, through her head, like a shrieking television that she was unable to turn off. God only knows what drove her to the blood bath that will forever swim in the horrors of my mind.
Do it tonight, Angela.
All alone now. Robby won't be home until morning.
He may not even miss you. Take a chance...
Feel alive for once in your useless life.
Go on coward. Pick up that glass.
Come on silly. Just one gash.
A little blood never hurt anyone.
There! Good for you, pretty!
Now, how about evening those wrists out?
Whoa, now you're getting the hang of it!
Ouch, your face? Whatever, this is your party, Miss!
U H U H O H O H.............
We're losing contact, Houston!
Oh boy, can't win em all.......................
From marcoujor
Having been a nurse for close to thirty years, I cannot imagine anything more horrific than being tortured by the voices of schizophrenia. This short story is dedicated to those who suffer the nightmare of psychosis.
"I feel like I am fighting a battle when I didn't start a war." (Dolly Parton)
© Maria Jordan (September, 2011)
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Chilling.
A young man who worked for me heard voices. He told me that Army doctors had put a radio in his brain. He was the son of a friend, but one day he went missing, and I never heard what happened to him.
He refused to take his meds.
This is excellent work.
writer20,
Thanks so much for being my first reader of this story. It was very heartwrenching to write.
I am loving your poetry as well and will look forward to dropping by soon, mar.
Will,
This is so sad and reminds us that we all know someone who is/ or who loves someone with schizophrenia. This young man may have had trauma issues as well with the delusions centered around the Army. And the families always suffer so, in some manner.
Thanks for stopping by and have a great weekend, mar.
I hope my son does not experience this much anguish. He had been diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia years ago. But I keep him on his meds. His was a different experience, but I know at times he is haunted by things he may see and hear. Good hub, although heartwrenchingly sad!
September girl,
Without a doubt, I know people with schizophrenia who lead productive and happy lives. To have a supportive family system and to have a medication regime that works for that person is way more than half the battle. To me, this is a chronic illness as is diabetes or hypertension. And it sounds like your son is handling this in a valiant manner, blessed by your love and support.
My thoughts are with you, my friend.I thank you for sharing with me, mar.
That's what I called "wonderful story" but it was so sad. But thanks for share with us. ~prasetio
My neighbor's daughter is in a halfway house for mentally ill people right now. My neighbor is totally disabled, her daughter was living with her. She wouldn't stay on her meds and we kept having to call the police to take her to the hospital. They would take her over there, keep her for a week or two and when she came home, she would quit taking her meds. No choice, she can't come home obviously. We are praying that they can help her.
prasetio30,
Your reaction to my story shows your deep kindness and compassion towards others. Thank you so much for stopping by and have a peaceful night, mar.
Such a gut wrenching tale. I'm familiar with the condition, and it can have a sever impact on peoples lives. Those who can function with the condition have to overcome so much. Thank you sharing.
Oh Becky,
This is a sad situation for all involved. You raise the issue of how a surrounding neighborhood community can even be impacted at times. I will send positive thoughts and wish you peace, mar.
Thank you for you visit, your insights and your compassion, AAZ. Have a peaceful night, mar.
Mar, this was the WINNER in the contest, not so? It is truly a well-written presentation of the mind of some schizophrenics. Scary! Once again congratulations with the 1st AwEsOmE prize.
I agree, Schizophrenia is a devastating illness. I have known several people that suffered from it.
What a chilling story. It certainly helps those that weren't aware of the hauntings going on in some minds.
Great job of bringing more attention to this illness through storytelling. Voted up, up and away!
I have never personally known anyone with this horrific affliction. I could barely read the story. I shudder with fear for these people and compassion for them and their loved ones.
Dear Martie,
I am a winner each and every day on HubPages, especially when I have such beautiful support and friendship.
I learn much from you, Martie, forever inspired by your writing and constructive critique of my work.
Have a truly peaceful day, mar.
Wonderfully written, I have also had experience with this illness...I have watched someone I know spin further and further out of control from it and spent days on pins and needles wonderinng will this be the day??? I do not even have the words to resond to this page except to say with a heavy weight on my chest and a lump in my throat....thank you for sharing, vote up
Great well written sad but wonderful story,thanks so much for sharing it i did enjoy reading it .
Vote up !!!
Dex,
Thanks, I was trying to keep this authentic, despite the fictional characters, so your feedback means the world.
It is always so nice when you stop by and will do the same very soon, mar.
Hyph,
With the compassion that exudes from you from your very core, you would know exactly how to encounter anyone in your life. I suspect it would be with dignity, respect and a tremendously intuitive understanding.
Thank you for your powerful comments and have a peaceful day, my friend.
bryteyedgemini,
I am sorry for your experiences, I can only imagine how difficult these times are for all involved. I have found that sometimes it is helpful to know you are not alone. Please know this is a caring community and I welcome you to HubPages.
Have a peaceful day and will be "stopping by" soon, mar.
kashmir56,
Thank you very much for stopping by. Your feedback is always most meaningful to me.
Hope all is well and have a lovely day, mar.
Wow, Mar, what a powerful story! Thanks to all those who work with people with mental disorders; sincere sympathy and support for family members and friends who often can only sadly and helplessly watch.
Hi mar, Schizophrenia is a horrific illness. I have never known anyone that suffers with it, and I must admit I wasn't sure about reading this.
But your writing as always is brilliant, a very sad subject but very well written.
Oh, Lord, what a terrible experience! Poor brother! I know someone who has bipolar disease and that is bad enough, but schizophrenia is much, much worse! I'd be rebuking satan like crazy...
Car51,
I appreciate your insight and empathy. It is always wonderful when you stop by. Hope you are having a good day, mar.
Movie Master,
I am honored that you went outside of your comfort zone to read this story. It is a horror that was hard to shake at the end of a shift, so I honestly cannot imagine living and coping with schizophrenia.
I can say, however, that since my early days in nursing in the 1980s, there have been remarkable advances in medicines and treatment strategies. I pray that the years to come bring more of the same through research efforts.
I always appreciate when you stop by and please take care, mar.
In commenting earlier, I neglected to point out that the daughter of my neighbor is over 21 and her mother cannot even make an appointment for her daughter to see the Dr. They say she has to do it. The problem with this is that she does not realize how bad she is getting. She will not listen to her mother telling her she needs to go, she will listen to me but getting her to act is difficult. When she gets really bad, she screams at her mother, throws things and won't even listen to me. When we get to that point, the only thing we can do, is call the police and they can take her to the hospital. They can use her actions as being a danger to herself and others. We tell them that she has a mental problem, is not usually violent, and they are careful with her. She is cared for gently by them. They do care also.
SusieQ42 and Becky,
Thank you both for these comments, which show all too well that fiction can remind us very much of the truths around us.
Your scenarios are real. I am so grateful in the situation you speak of Becky, that the police are aware and sensitive. In the majority of the cases this is also true in my clinical experience, with training in mental diagnoses being an initiative in many barracks. How wonderful that you reach out as best you can as well. You must have a very trusting demeanor.
My heart goes out to all and, yes, Susie, I am also a firm believer in the power of our spirituality in healing. And with many of these chronic disorders, we must remember to distinguish between healing and curing.
Thank you both and all my best, mar.
incisive, powerful, without being sentimental. from inception to telling the story, a brave and accurate depiction of those who suffer from this terrible disease and those who love them. well done!up and awesome!
Linc,
Amazing feedback from someone I suspect knows of schizophrenia first hand from having worked in the field and I am indeed humbled. It was exceedingly difficult to keep my "sentimental" personality out of this story. It means the world that I was able to accomplish this for such a distinguished reader. Safe travels, mar.
Wow! This is powerful stuff. Your writing is fascinating and you really caught the qualities of the character. I can't say I enjoyed it because it is more something that makes one stop and think about what some people have to endure. Thanks for writing this.
"Sis" AM,
I very much appreciate your feedback and review. I cannot say that "I enjoyed" writing this, but I do feel I was meant to express this story.
Please have a peaceful evening, mar.
Mar...ohhh..I imagine the pull and tug of the suicidal draw can be intoxicating. A final, freeing way out. I imagine the pain is more difficult than the thought of leaving this life.
Poor brother...thoughts after the fact. I'd hate to stand in his shoes.
You have reminded us to always let those whom we love know it...and take extra care of those who are going through rough times...and watch over those who are in the throes and depths of dispair...their actions are pleas...crying out to be heard..to be cared about.
And sickness...that space over which we have no real control...must be addressed, even if it means placing a loved one into professional care..
this is incredible, Mar...wOW!!!!!
UP and Awesome and Useful....all the things that this inspires one to think about.
WOW!
Hey Maria,
This was very emotional and touching. Someone I was in a long-term relationship with heard voices among other issues. It just breaks my heart. Thank you for sharing Angela's story.
Sharyn
Lucky,
This is the reason you are a Level 8 with Comments! You have captured my intentions in this very short piece, analyzing all aspects with insight and compassion.
Thank you for your belief in me and your support, mar.
Sharyn,
Thank you for your beautiful words and for sharing your experience. It is heartbreaking when someone you care about is suffering/ a helpless feeling indeed.
I hope all is well and promise to visit soon, mar.
This is a fantastic story, excellently written. Rated awesome!
Thanks so much, Pamela. I appreciate both your comments and your vote.
Hope all is well with you, mar.
A story... A reality that comes to life here in your words. I am a follower of your work but more than that, I am someone that see's a love inside of you that whispers "I understand." There is an anguish that goes with someone that battles with two sides of their world that few could truly understand, though they may nod and say they do.
Your words speak of a place that those that see it, the ones that are intimate with that world, realize daily that to succumb to the voice that whispers to them is to be done with the battle. They also know that to end the battle, they would end everything.
You found a way to say it in the words that the inflicted would say and yet be able to still step back a bit and allow those that share these thoughts to feel un-restricted and un-judged by your words. A safe place for a moment where they have the opportunity to sit and breathe in that they are not alone in what can be a very cold and cruel world.
Thank you for this Hub and know that there are some that know the fierce reality of that world and that feel the very essense of your words. Always I am a fan of you and your writing and shall be I think for a long time.
And in re-reading this comment, I wonder how many will understand the writings I have placed here. Hugs for you, dear lady. Always I am, just me.
Dear Darrel,
More may understand your words than you think, for I surely do. They are insightful, sensitive and, as ever, most supportive. I thank you from the bottom of my soul and am heading to your site very soon as I am overdue in reading your creative expressions.
Have an incredible weekend. All my best, mar.
You are indeed an amazing story teller mar and this one must be one of your best.
An up up and awayy here my dear friend and here's to a long time of hub sharing on here.
Take care
Eiddwen.
Eiddwen,
Your feedback on this story is supreme, and I thank you so much! It is wonderful sharing this special time with you, my friend.
Have a peaceful night, mar.
Great story Marcoujor. The theme of the story is amazing. You have to feel for people like this. The first thing that happens if they are put on all kinds of meds and you have to wonder if it is worth it. For the few that I have seen, they are far more worse. Dangerous cocktails if you ask me. Conversational topic Marcoujor. You are a great talent. Look forward to reading more. Have a great weekend! Voted up.
thelyricwriter,
I really appreciate your comments/ vote and empathy. As with many diseases, there is a risk - benefit ratio that needs to be considered with every medicine tried, as everyone is so different. Hope you are having a good weekend as well, mar.
Excellent story, very well written. Thanks for sharing.
Voted UP & Awesome.
Take care. Best Wishes.
Kamalesh050,
Thank you so much for your visit and kind feedback. It is always a pleasure when you stop by.
Hope all is well and have a good day, mar.
Well done and very powerful! I know some people with severe mental illness like manic depression. This really provides a deep look into these illness and the sad effects they can have. Wow!
Maria, there’s so much in such a short short story. You managed to blow myths to pieces (maybe it’s different in the States, but here in the UK people with schizophrenia are often portrayed as violent, when as you show they are more likely to be violent against themselves.) The structure of your story is great, getting straight into the characters, and that is what makes it powerful, that and the compassion with which you write.
Wow, what an interesting story! You sure know how to write them! Amazingly awesome!
Dear tammy,
It means so much that you took the time to stop by this piece today. Thank you very much for your insightful and meaningful comments.
Hope you are having a peaceful evening. Hugs, mar.
Dear Yvonne,
Thank you so much for your amazing feedback.
It is important for me to portray mental illness with accuracy and compassion. There is a shared, common misperception in the US about an automatic connection with violence as well.
Have a wonderful week. Love, Maria
Dear Linda,
Thank you so much for your remarks and visit. You are truly an instant smile maker and an inspiration to me.
Hope you are having a lovely evening. Hugs, Maria.
wow, what a beautiful story... and told so beautifully and effectively!
Dear Justin,
Thanks so much for stopping by this piece and leaving such a supportive comment.
Hoping that you had a great weekend and will be by to visit your work when I have some time between classes. Take care, mar.
you're welcome,. Mary! My pleasure!
writer20 Level 8 Commenter 8 months ago
Wow! this a great story also sad. You are a very good writer.